The Filling

God calls us out of mediocrity to live more purposed, more devoted, more destined. He whispers to us to rise above the hum drum of ordinary living to go deeper with him.

Deeper into love

       Deeper into to mercy

              Deeper into forgiveness

                      Deeper into selflessness

As we step off that ledge of the known, as we let go, as we trust and relinquish, we push past the weight of this world and all her hardened, vain glorious opinions. And in that place of letting go and unwinding, in that place of holy surrender, in going deeper, the grip of this world falls away, her clutch lessens, her ties unfurl, no longer are we slave, but free.

Deeper into love

       Deeper into to mercy

              Deeper into forgiveness

                      Deeper into selflessness

But going deeper costs, living unbound has a price. It is a journey into the wilderness. This crossing into the wide open expanse of letting go, of less self, will test every inch of you. The letting go of everything you know, the letting go of rising dreams, the letting go of everything that made sense, the letting go of purpose, is scary - because trusting God in the letting go, in the laying down to traipse the depth of a valley, feels emptying. It feels less, not more.

Deeper into love

       Deeper into to mercy

              Deeper into forgiveness

                      Deeper into selflessness

Walking through the rough terrain of the valley is lonely for when the testing comes, the trial can come hot - fiery, piercing and gut wrenching. The fire in this crepuscular landscape will try to consume you. But it is in this place of heartache and despair, that being empty is needful. In the emptying, in the purging of the fire, when a life is spent and everything the world offers has finally fluttered away, one human - blood bought life still remains, but for the grace of God. For without HIM, I have nothing, I am nothing.

Deeper into love

       Deeper into to mercy

              Deeper into forgiveness

                      Deeper into selflessness

It is in this act of laying self down, of setting dreams adrift, of releasing deeply encumbered burdens to heave them at the foot of the cross, that the passage to purpose is paid in full. A soothing wind seeps in, a holy exchange takes place and the filling comes. A filling of grace beyond this world finds its way through the loss, on through the heartache and past the pain. A filling that is only possible, because the fiery emptying prepared the way.

For my grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness, Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest in me. 2 Corinthians 12:9.

The Galilean from Nazareth

A year ago today, we were in Israel, Nazareth to be exact. Having just left the Sea of Galilee, we meandered up the winding pathway of Mount Precipice bubbling with excitement. We were here, really here, in the place where the Nazarene walked 2000 years ago! Each step felt monumental, sacred and wholly surreal. Our gaze soaked up a view so expansive that it was hard to comprehend the vastness of the landscape. A gentle breeze swirled around us, stirring up scripture deposited long ago. It was easy to imagine the multitudes here. As far as the eye could see, in every direction, breathtaking serenity extended everywhere. We looked out over mountains and plains and Nazareth. Nazareth, a curious mix of modern and ancient buildings all meshed tightly together, no obvious boundaries separating the old from the new. This is where Jesus dwelled, where he worked and fulfilled prophecy, where he lived fully human, amongst family and man.

As we descended the mountain, a volley of gunfire rang out, startling us. We made a beeline for the bus not caring to find out what was actually going on, hearts in our mouths, legs like jelly, unfamiliar to the thudding sounds ricocheting across the valley. We scrambled for the open door of the bus with a sense of urgency, falling into our seats, the serenity pierced through. In that moment, I was 'fall on your knees' grateful to be whisked away. The door slammed shut and we skirted rough terrain, chugging past biblical landscapes and sheep grazing the hillside, on past the little church of Cana. W-A-I-T a minute, the Church of Cana, where the wedding took place according to the apostle John? I craned my neck, glimpsing the church exterior just visible above the tree line. Our guide, Yosef, diligently pointed out the sites from his position perched at the very front of the bus. He implored us in his Jewish-English accent, as was often the case, to 'Look, my Beloved' as he jabbed the air, directing our eyes to the sites steeped in history, all the while unfurling scripture before our very eyes. Through the tree line, I squinted at the little turrets peeking out from the foliage, spotted a green roof or two and wondered if this church was built upon the ruins of the old or was it a namesake monument? The initial foundations of many of the sites we visited, were still visible today, thousands of years later. I squirrelled this image of this little church amongst the trees away in my mind, filing it carefully, absorbing the details so that I could easily pull this very scene when I read the passage next.

A sense of other worldliness exists in this place. Time has indeed stood still. It is not difficult to be swept up in the stories or the context of scripture from so long ago. When all is said and done, there is a palatable sense that this land holds holy stories, beckoning us to marvel and unravel its mysteries.

This is a land still waiting for her history to unfold.

Two hearts beat within my breast

I heard these words today and they struck a cord!

'Two hearts beat within my breast.

One is foul, the other is blessed.

One I love, the other I hate.

The one I feed will dominate.'

Sometimes we find ourselves warring between what we know is right and doing something else entirely. I question myself, often. When I have a million things on my mind and I rush about the day, is love brought to every sphere of my life? When people are unhappy or pressure mounts, do I breathe out blessing or cursing?

Living a life poured out in love isn't easy. 

We live in a world where hate squanders what we value. Hate wages war. Rage storms in and love is lost. 

The world as we know it has changed. Blessing is weird and cursing is expected. The tentacles of compromise have coiled slowly around our every day living. The fabric of our millennial society has evolved to the extent that the values adhered to by one generation have emerged in the next as a vortex of societal discord. Peace has been obliterated and intolerance rules. The lines of political correctness have crisscrossed so overwhelmingly that a seismic value shift has changed our societal direction. Undermined ever so subtly, we have been hushed into silence. This generation (the b.b's and the x,y,z's) unlike any before us will experience the greatest societal shift in their life time than at any other time in history. Look how far our society has changed in just ten years!

So how you love matters!

At the end of the day, actions speak louder than words. I can't hear you when your behaviour screams louder than what you have to say. 

Feed love and you'll feed life.

Let love have her way!

Light that chases back darkness

It is light that signals the beginning of a new day, light that chases back darkness, light that illuminates and it is light that brings hope and perspective. It was light that cracked open the dawn of time and light that divided the heavens and the earth. 

Children of the light, shine brightly in the darkness. 

Like a city on a hill, the light CANNOT be hidden! 
Light overcomes the darkness, do not be afraid of dark shadows. The darkness cannot overcome the light. Let us walk as children of the light while we have light, darkness will not touch us. 

We are called into a marvellous light so bright that death cannot escape its glory!

Those who follow the light, shall never walk in darkness. Those who are wise shall shine like the brightness of the sky above. May our lives be so full of light that we shine brighter than the noon day sun. Walk in the light and allow your light to shine before men. 

Arise and shine, the time has come!

Fan the flames of light so they grow ever brighter. 

While you have the light, believe in the light!

Wholly intentional, holy purposeful!

The bearer of a faith seed begins a journey that seems too impossible! 

It is hard to live by faith and not by sight! Our senses define our humanness, we learn everything through these experiences, are nothing without them. Then faith tells us to lay aside all that we know to be humanly possible. It requires us to embrace the invisible and intangible, a realm outside of our earthly parameters and understanding. 

And then faith demands that we leap.

It seems impossible, seems beyond us, seems unattainable! Faith requires us to step into unknowns, after all - nothing ventured, nothing gained. An open ear and closed eyes keep me present, aware and alert. It is easier to hear the voice of wisdom when we are still, closed eyes stop distractions. Closing our eyes lowers the lid on what seems impossible. We close the window of our temporal world and stop seeing impossibilities. Instead we are transported across time and space, we begin to see possibilities. We imagine, dream and see differently. We begin to see what has been imprinted in us from the dawn of time. We see ourselves as we have been created, as heaven breathed, wholly intentional, holy purposeful beings. 

When we have seen ourselves stretch across that yawning chasm of unbelief and fully know that we can breach the walls of doubt, we cross the divide with the substance and evidence of things hoped for. We look back and wonder why on earth we ever let those fireballs of fear stand in our way.

In retrospect, I have tried to negotiate this tug on my heart and soul with intellectual reasoning and foresight when in reality I know that is futile. Futile because the intellect and the heart operate on different plains, they do not see eye to eye and that is the conundrum. How do you live with that duplicity inside of you, the head saying one thing and the heart another? 

Futile because divine purpose has nothing to do with our physical and limited realities. The natural and supernatural operate on different levels, are poles apart. Yet, when meshed with an open heart and a yielded life, blend seamlessly. A heaven seed full of omniscient purpose, when planted in frail humanity takes root in supernatural soul soil beyond all earthly comprehension. When this tiny seed of faith finds its open vessel, It begins tugging the heart in another direction. The heart must hear and the mind MUST align for faith to grow. The faith seed now begins its journey.

I know that ... faith is activated through hearing, but have learnt that, it is only useful when applied through a surrendered heart and a willing life. It is the journey I am still on, the journey of a thousand miles!

Come back tomorrow for 'The journey of a thousand miles'

Ambushing Rebel Armies

Every once in a while there are moments that call out to us, moments that dare us to walk a wild and unknown way. There are moments that mobilize us in unexpected ways. We can listen or turn away. 

For me that day was the day I heard Marilyn Skinner speak about the child soldiers of Northern Uganda. It completely changed me. I listened with a growing sense of disbelief as she revealed the heartbreaking extent of the child soldier dilemma. Children, some only 8 - 10 years of age were being herded up in the dead of night from their villages and forcefully abducted. It was the first time I heard the name Joseph Kony, rebel leader and abductor of children. At that time hundreds of children from villages in remote parts of Uganda were walking for hours each morning and evening to the safety of small outposts to sleep safely and thus avoid being taken. They would leave their villages for the night to return the next day, and then repeat the exercise day after day. 

Marilyn's heart reached out and grabbed mine. I sat there with a mixture of emotions welling up, horror, anger, heartbreak and helplessness mixed together into a concoction of inexplicable sorrow. It was a moment that I allowed to fully take hold of me, to feel the horror and pain of a mother torn from her child, the devastation of not knowing where her heart and soul had gone. Her baby running scared, messed with me. It was completely unfathomable that this happened to not just one mother, but hundreds! I felt the whole weight of it, heavy in my soul. 

There is a hauntingly beautiful song by Brooke Fraser called 'Albertine', it is filled with aching feeling and was written after her visit to Rwanda. The first time I heard it, the words ricocheted imploringly across my soul, echoing some desperate finality that lodged deep. The passion in the song spoke to me, the words nudging my heart, 'Now that I have seen, I am responsible, faith without deeds is dead'. 

As I listened I felt kind of ensnared by this proclamation, responsible for something just because I was alive. Responsible because we ARE called to something bigger than ourselves. Yet, so often we see ourselves small in the scheme of things. I see MYSELF small. How do I appropriate my faith so that it holds substance or moves mountains? How do I make my deeds line up with that kind of faith? If my faith is lacking or flawed, what good are my actions then? Can I be sure of what I hope for or certain of what I cannot see? Why does faith need to be tested and how do I endure and persevere? Who am I to think that I might have a role to play? In the words of Marianne Williamson we ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, handsome, talented and fabulous? 

There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”

 - Marianne Williamson

So, I planned a trip to Watoto and visited Marilyn's beloved babies and children's homes, and the Living Hope project in Uganda. I saw the incredible things being done at Watoto, saw how a little bit of hope can light an unquenchable fire. I saw lives healed, restored and hope filled. I left inspired and also a little overcome. I wondered where this hold was taking me, wondered what I had to bring? I saw amazing things, but still felt like a bystander on the sidelines. 

I came home and devoured Sam Childers book 'Another Mans War', the true story of one mans battle to save the children in Northern Uganda and Southern Sudan. I met this 'Machine Gun Preacher' and heard his story. Sat in awe of a mission to take back what the enemy stole. Felt goose bumps prickle my skin as he retold stories of ambushing rebel armies to snatch back abducted children.  I had one question ... How the heck could I ever do anything remotely helpful? 

Continued tomorrow
Read Child Soldiers - They fight like men, they die like children.

A miracle happened!

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Slices of sunlight streamed in the window, shifting energy flickered off the walls.

Earth dust swirled above me, I drifted in and out of waking.

A new day dawning, possibilities rising.

Conscious of the morning sounds calling, I pulled the blankets a little tighter.

People slowly moving, footsteps echoing, cars whirring, life stirring.

A new day stretched wide, expanding its summit, much to do.

Children calling, phone ringing, emails beeping.

I pull the pillows closer.

Stop thinking.

Pause.

Deep breaths.

I open my eyes and examine the dust.

The twirling particles float aimlessly, drifting on motionless air.

The ticking clock beckons, measuring its intervals rhythmically.

Another day of life, time to grasp reality, cup half empty or cup half full.

I breathe deeply, inhaling heavenly wonder, soul opens wider, heart grows fuller.

Physical senses smack into holy wonder.

This day - this moment - this life, dislodge mortal reasoning for everlasting truth.

I take the cup half full, I rise slowly and reach out, slipping on the miracle of a new day.

Link up

Sweet glory of gratitude

Life is in the details ... it happens in the small sweet moments of life, amidst the every day existence of walking day to day that we can truly rest completely and utterly content. In finally learning to be content - with whatever and wherever .... with little or much, that it takes you by surprise. It leads you by the hand and moves you in a different direction. Gratitude takes you somewhere entirely unexpected - those moments of thanksgiving can so completely overwhelm and fill our hearts to the brim, that it changes us - profoundly. it becomes unbelievably fulfilling, undeniably sustaining, ultimately life defining and wholly satisfying. These are the ones - the heaven breathed moments meant just for us, that fully take our breath away. Because, the sweet glory of living a wonderfully hope filled life is indeed extraordinary.

Linking up with Lisa-Jo

Heart and Soul Pursuits

Hope will lead us on

Hope flickers in the darkness, 
a light that pervades turmoil, 
leading the hopeless forward. 

A presence that lingers on the horizon, 
calling aloud to her people,
 beckoning the willing toward her. 

Press on, one step, one breath 
- Hope cannot stand still. 

She moves with purpose, pushing ahead 
where none have gone before. 

The brave follow her weaving trail, 
they hear her whisper in the wind,
 and tend to her words. 

This light of heaven invading earth, 
daring the bravest of souls
 to walk into the great unknown, 
envelops the most daring of subjects. 

Her flickering flame burns deep, 
deep into the heart of man.
 The stamp of eternity is thus pressed
 hard against the heel of humanity, 
leaving its fiery mark. 

An eternal flame of certainty
 glows brightly where dreams once lay bare, 
Hope will lead us on.

Hope is stirring deep within. She is a sweet balm for the soul, healing to the heart and health to the bones. When everything swirling in the air is abuzz with doubt and worry, and fears linger on the edge of reason, hope assures me that there is more - more to do, more to this life, more dreams longing to be clothed with significance, so much more out there still.

Heart and Soul Pursuits

Facing Fear

From the moment our children are born, fear stealthily sneaks in to our lives.
It peeks around every corner and lurks behind every opportunity.
We check and recheck on our babes at night,
listening for their gentle breathing, just in case!
We wonder about the notion of letting our cherubs ride their bike
... around the block, unsupervised!  
When they are older,
we 'um and ah' about them hanging out at the local hangouts
or getting a job!
 ... and the hardest one yet,
watching (with your heart in your mouth)
as your child drives away from you,
- in a CAR,

ON THEIR OWN!

Fear overwhelms, steals joy, robs peace and suffocates faith, if we let it.
As a mother parenting on her own, I have had to get good at facing fear.

I have had to shut the door on fear many many times over the years. Sometimes I did it slowly, way too slowly. Once fear is in, it doesn't leave easily. When my marriage fell apart, fear came in endless waves of foreboding and apprehension. Like termites weakening the foundations of the family home, they gnawed their way in, undermining trust - disintegrating resolve.

The warning signs were not always clear, the slow growl of the enemy rushed in amongst a million things to do. Panicky feelings skittered senseless across a desolate and empty terrain. Thoughts running wildly, freakishly rampant in a frantic daily schedule. Days, endless ones stretched far and wide, those days fear traipsed a haunting path. It left me exhausted, breathless.

These days, this sheltering from the blustering winds of unease is still a work in progress. I recognise the prowl sooner, sense the rising panic before it bubbles over, stop the thoughts before they begin to race - shut the door, wedge it closed, keep the wolf from the door.

I had to believe, that there was more,
more to all of this - more to this life, more for my life!
Trust and faith guard the doorway, now.
A strong tower and place of refuge, my place.
Their sturdy presence stand formidably, a fortress I can trust.
It wasn't always this way.

Trust came first wrapping her arms tightly. Gentle words soothed the soul - gracious words, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones. Words that spoke of purpose - of a future (still out there) and a hope (still flickering). Perhaps, all things might work together  - for good, after all. Trust bridged that gap across to faith. Faith didn't seem so far away then. That bridge slowly built, upon layers of grisly muck and grim pickings. That bridge wasn't built in a day, but it stands stronger today. 

I learnt to trust when I didn't feel like it.

- to trust when things didn't make sense, at all.

To trust despite everything,

despite the upheaval of divorce, 

despite the single mother status,

and despite all the broken dreams.

I opened up my heart - again, 

and chose to trust, that God held it all (even the mess) ... in his hands, 

and somewhere in all that trusting, faith grew!
I grew.

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My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever. - Psalm 73:26

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Our Deepest Fear

Imagine a world where fear didn't limit you? 

Because

Fear does limit us, often in small seemingly negligible ways.

Only, it shows up big later on down the road, when we try

stretching for faith and are left hopelessly flailing in its wake. 

It stops us in our tracks, leaves a cold sweat slick to our sides.

Its insidious grip - so stifling, crushing and oppressive. Hot!

Our deepest fear ringing loud in our ears, us stranding alone.
Not enough, too loud, too quiet, too plain, really - too much!

Sucking oxygen from the soul, surreptitiously invading and 

fanning the flames of dread, snuffing the light within. Dead!

But

What if we truly did believe, that we were powerful. Seriously!
Alive for purpose and significance, lovely beyond description.
Possessors of boundless aptitude, capacity or ability, no really!

A city on a hill that cannot be hidden, a beacon in the darkness.
We could upend fear, hold faith near.

That we - humankind, might be living breathing vessels, carriers of a divine plan.

Powerful, not because of our frail humanity or its limited and shortsighted altruism. 

But because of an omnipotent and infinitely greater power bequeathing upon us a 

magnanimous legacy of extraordinary proportions. So great in its magnificence, 

so exceedingly exceptional that it seems incomprehensible, it truly defies belief!

How would that change you? 

Linking up with and Emily's Love Dare

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Finding purpose

I love the thought that 'Love is the essential reality', that somewhere in the core of our humanity resides a vital and necessary truth. If we were to be truly conscious of it, truly aware of its power, we would use it, wield it, fling it far and wide.

 If we would allow it free reign, give love unfettered reach, grant it unmitigated freedom, then we would sanction the collision of compassion and conviction in a profound and passionate allegiance. It would fortify us, strengthen us and transform us. We could step outside and beyond the grasp of malevolent fear in radical and uncompromising ways. It would revolutionise us! 

We could unhinge hate

we'd give, not take

embrace, not shun

seek, not run

accept, not judge

protect, not destroy

we would hold on and not let go.

We would realise our capacity, tap into our potential and find our purpose. 

Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. 
 It never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance. 
Love triumphs every time!

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Love

Wow, what a year 2012 has been. The year is about to draw to a close and as I look back, I marvel at all the things that have occurred. Each year presents us with new opportunities to grow and learn, it never ceases to amaze me that there is still so much to discover about life. When I look back on all the ups and downs of a year gone by, more than ever I realise that a deep and abiding love ties this life together. A love for family, friends, passion and purpose - gently pulling me along this journey of life. 

Love leads us along pathways of hope. Love is where we flourish - that unconditional pulling together of our heart and soul can change us in deeply profound ways. Love can be all encompassing and consuming, all at the same time! It holds us fast in its embrace, keeping us safe ... and it allows us to fly higher than we believe is even possible. Love is patient and kind, it is not envious or boastful. It does not bring dishonour or lift itself up over others, love is not self seeking. It keeps no record of wrongs but rejoices in truth. Love seeks to protect, trust, hope and perseveres no matter what! 

Love can be a valley gorge, deep and wide or a swiftly running river with swirling undercurrents. I realise however that love, our human love is so very imperfect. More often than not our love is flawed in ways we cannot imagine. Fear, the antagonist of love can hold us tight in its embrace. Its grip is suffocating and lifeless, squeezing love out of our hearts and souls leaving us cold and afraid. It leaves us alone, barren and empty. If there is more fear in my heart than love, then my love suffers. It fails to thrive. Yet, there is a love that drives out all fear ... a love that can cover a multitude of sins. A love that extends grace and mercy when hurts run deep. 

If we allow it to, love can change us!

'Perfect love drives out all fear.'

 1 John 4:18

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'If you know what changes a heart, you know what changes the world.' - Marianne Williamson.

Looking forward to this next season with an ever present hope in my heart.

Parable of a seed

My daughter is about to graduate Year 12 ... I can't believe the time has gone so fast!

The teenage years have been fun, frustrating (on both parts)

 ... and full of angst, 

as any parent of a teenager would know (and understand!!!)

Training up a child in the way that they should go is not easy ... it requires fortitude way beyond yourself. Fortunately, somehow we found our way through the ups and downs of 

teenage-dom. We have come full circle and what has been sown over the years is now being drawn upon - the harvest is ready - almost! We are nearly there.

Over the years, the seeds scattered ...

(sometimes it seemed like it was all a bit hit and miss - a seed thrown here amongst the ground of independence, a seed flung over there in the soil of rebellion) ... and yes, some of it fell by the wayside. Some seed fell on stony ground (and at times on a hard heart) ... some seed was swallowed up and choked by the weeds of the world - doubt and unbelief grew in the parched and dry places. BUT, some seed nestled down in good ground. It took root in love and grew with hope and purpose.

Now I watch her digging deep within herself and feel my heart swell with pride ... because I know how far she has come. The battles that have been won and the fears that have been overcome. It feels good to watch your own flesh and blood begin to flourish and watch the harvest being reaped. I cannot explain how I really feel ... words do not really express the depth of feeling, suffice to say it truly is AMAZING!

in the light of truth

Truth .... is bittersweet!!

Like medicine,

 it can be bitter to swallow 

but its benefits are powerfully healing.

It is health for your heart and soul!

The truth really does set you free ... 

and that is sweet indeed.

Truth is sincerity in action and in deed.

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 The truth is never easy to hear. Whether it is personal or about those in your world, it can cause you to stop in your tracks and rethink how you should proceed. How do you shine light on the truth and bring wholeness and hope while deception abounds?

More often than not, the truth - our truth is concealed by misperceptions and misguided realities. 

The truth can seem messy, maybe it is messy because it is tangled up in our feelings and emotions. 

We can truly believe  something or feel something to be true .... but does this make it true?

The truth can seem right until the spotlight shines deeply within and reveals something entirely different. We can be easily contained by that which presents it self as truth, but is really NOT truth! 

So how do you truly discover the truth?

It comes as a shock to find out what others think or 

how judgements are being made! Right or wrong it can be very painful. Yet, honest truth brought in love has the power to change. It can bring new direction and fresh perspective. It can heal the heart and make it whole.

If you are a truth seeker and seeking the truth ...

do not give up because the truth is, that in the end it really will set you free and it will ultimately liberate your very soul!

Let the light of truth give you the freedom to fly higher than you could ever imagine!

"I believe that unarmed truth and unconditional love will have the final word in reality. This is why right, temporarily defeated, is stronger than evil triumphant."

~ Martin Luther King Jnr

           

“Let us rejoice in the truth, wherever we find its lamp burning.” 

~ Albert Schweitzer